Funny Excuses: Saying No to Sex
Can anything compare to the wonderful feeling of having sex? Yes!
The hilarity of the excuses given to women to avoid sex is funny enough to crack-up even the most stoic person. Readers are requested to display a semblance of intelligence and find saner reasons to say no.
1. “Mommy said NO!”
There’s nothing quite like the mama’s boy to temper down a perfectly good libido. Just so you know she wasn’t planning on sleeping with your mother. But thanks for the offer, creep!
2. “You can’t Touch this”
I’m sorry. I didn’t realize your manhood was that delicate! Unless you’re going to finish the MC Hammer song, please don’t bother using this as an excuse.
3. “ I don’t feel the fireworks, when I am inside you”
Unless you were planning on having sex with a live burning firecracker, one doubts if you’ll feel the ‘spark’ inside anyone. Maybe you should try intercourse with an electricity pole.
4. “Sorry. I don’t like popped cherries”
At the bold risk of sounding plainly chauvinistic, you stand a chance to be punched in the face. Please keep your fruit-predicament fantasies to yourself and come up with better ways of saying no.
5. “It’s that time of the month, when my manhood sings in pig-Latin. I don’t think you’ll like it much”
What? What does that even mean? Please crawl back into school and come out only when you make sense.
6. “Cant’ have sex sweetheart! I need to psychoanalyze my pet’s problems”
911! We have a psycho on our hands!
7. “Your breasts smell like sour milk”
Now we all know why you don’t get laid much.
8. “No! Because you don’t floss!!”
Unless you were planning to use the flossing tag for some devilishly weird sexual fetish, one suggests staying off this excuse.
9. “Me no speak English”
Really? You wear Armani and cannot speak English? This excuse does not fool anybody!
10. “Don’t have sex on days which end with Y. Religious reasons, you see!”
Yes, you’re probably sealing your abstinence for the rest of your life.
11. “Sex is too much work”
If your intention has been to come across as a lazy chauvinist bum, congratulations! You’ve just done that.
12. “I am running in the Olympics for a medal in abstinence”
If that doesn’t leave onlookers in splits and keep the women away, one doesn’t know what will work!
13. “I am on my period”
Although one cannot think of the reasons why anyone would refuse to have sex, but when they do, they are expected to have reasons better than these.